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How to Keep the Spark Alive in Your Relationship

How to Keep the Spark Alive in Your Relationship

Remember how wonderful being “in love” felt? When was the last time you felt that kind of love with your husband, wife, or committed partner? Most couples lose this spark in the busyness and sameness of everyday life. 

There’s a well-known secret to reigniting the spark that drew you together. You’ll need to make your marriage or partnership a priority. A satisfying, intimate relationship takes some time, energy, and creativity.

Appreciate: How to Keep the Spark Alive in a Relationship

  • Show gratitude for the daily, often unnoticed, ways that your spouse supports you. In a long-term marriage, both people do a lot to help one another. Most of those acts seem invisible or taken for granted. Thanking your partner makes them feel seen and appreciated. You can show them that you notice their contribution through a word, a look, or a token gift. When you do, it builds goodwill and compassion in the relationship.
  • In large and small ways, prioritize your partner. When you are talking or doing something together, put down your phone. Show them that they are more important than the text or email. Ask their opinion. Check in during the day, even if you are both busy. Send the kids to play when you want to talk. These little actions make your partner feel special and chosen. Which also reminds you that they are irreplaceable to you and need to be treated as a priority.
Talk: How to Keep the Spark Alive in a Relationship

  • Reminisce about the old days. Talk about favorite memories, the foibles, and successes of your personal love story. Happy memories bring smiles, warmth, and humor which strengthens your love and connection.
  • Laugh together! Do you remember what makes them laugh? Is it something you do, a specific style of comedy, or a certain kind of joke? Humor is a powerful connector. If you want an epic love, find things that make your partner laugh. Incorporate these into your life frequently.
  • Here’s a fun one: talk openly and explicitly about sex. This can be an uncomfortable topic, so why am I suggesting you discuss it? Many couples struggle with intimacy, affection, and sex, but never talk about it. Like most issues, talking it out can change everything! Share what brings you pleasure, what you don’t enjoy, and what you fantasize about. When your partner knows what you like, it sets your partner up to meet your needs and fulfill your hopes. Positive sexual experiences deepen your connection. Even the act of having an intimate discussion brings you closer. Not to mention, talking about sex can ignite it’s own spark. 😉
Act: How to Keep the Spark Alive in a Relationship

  • Go on a date. Yes, even when you’ve been married for years, you need to date. Don’t overcomplicate things by waiting for the perfect time to have an epic date. If you can’t leave the house or need to watch your finances, plan a fun at-home date. The planning, anticipation, excitement, and time spent together build your connection and reinvigorate your relationship.
  • Seek out new experiences, both together and apart. Learn a new skill, travel, or attend an event. New activities build your connection when you share the experience as a couple. When you do these types of activities separately, you grow as an individual. Sharing the trials and triumphs of solo activities brings new experiences and energy to the relationship. This can be a source of excitement that brings you closer together.
Repair: How to Keep the Spark Alive in a Relationship

  • Say “I’m sorry.” It’s simple in theory, and it’s absolutely terrifying in reality. You will disappoint or hurt your partner, so be accountable for that. Acknowledge the hurt and make changes to fix the problem so that the sparks of love have room to grow. A good apology is very attractive!
  • Fix your relationship problems. Most couples wait 6 years before getting help for relationship problems. If you want a strong and passionate relationship, start working on them today! Commonly ignored problems are frequent miscommunications, harsh arguments, or unresolved relationship injuries. When you tiptoe around relationship injuries, they build a wall between you. If you want that “in love” feeling, learn new relationship skills and practice good relationship habits.

All couples experience the ebb and flow of being in sync. You will feel connected more often when you invest time, energy, and creativity into the relationship. The payoff will be a close, connected, and intimate relationship. Don’t let yourselves drift into complacency. You deserve a vibrant and exciting relationship!

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Cheri Timko - Couples Relationship Coach
Hi! I’m Cheri. I help seasoned couples ditch the disappointment so they can dare to date again. When disappointment, frustration, and hurt build up, it can weaken or kill the feeling of being “in love.” I help you to release the resentment so that you can rekindle the romance, work as partners, and have fun again. If you’re ready to get to work, email me at to chat about the next steps.​
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