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When you walked down the aisle, you felt hopeful and optimistic. You saw a rosy future stretching before you. Even the things that worried you didn’t seem that bad. The truth about “for better or worse” Every couple knows they will have good times and hard times. Marriage promises ups and downs. Knowing that the

One day last week, I was distracted when I got home from work.  I was holding several bags and a child met me at the door with a problem.  About 15 minutes later, I realized that I hadn’t greeted my husband.  When I went to find him, he gave me a dirty look. We both

A Conversation that Starts Harshly is Guaranteed to Derail. A harsh start is when you toss a problem into a conversation like a grenade. You throw it in there hoping your partner will hear it as a plea for help. You want them to apologize and agree to immediately change their behavior. Instead, they feel criticized and start to defend their

The magic numbers are 5:1. John Gottman’s research on couples gives us the best insight on how couples can have a great relationship. He found that couples who have truly great relationships share an average of 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative interaction. Positive interactions include: showing appreciation, kind touch, doing things for each other,

It doesn’t take long for the newness of a relationship to wear off. It’s intoxicating to be in that part of the brand new relationship when you are both on your best behavior. You feel in-sync and its easy to have fun. The honeymoon phase doesn’t last long. Life comes crowding in. You knew that

For two years, my husband worked out of state. We had three small children at the time, and it was our priority to limit their time in childcare. He left on Monday mornings at 3 am and returned on Thursdays by mid-afternoon. I was able to sandwich most of my work as a psychotherapist around

Doors or wheels? Which do you think there are more of? It’s fun to debate because there are so many of each in our world. Both represent basic technology whose invention changed the world. You encounter doors all day long. Usually you step through them without giving them much thought—unless there is a problem. A